How Do I Let My Sh*t Go?
By Joree Rose, LMFT
If you’ve ever said those words — or at least thought them — you’re not alone. Letting go is one of the most universally wanted and universally difficult things we ask of ourselves.
We know we should let go of the grudge, the old story, the resentment that keeps resurfacing. We know carrying it around isn’t helping. And yet there it is, showing up again at 2am or in the middle of an otherwise ordinary Tuesday.
So why is letting go so hard? And more importantly — how do you actually do it?
Why We Hold On
Before we talk about how to let go, it’s worth understanding why we don’t.
Holding on often feels like protection. If I stay angry, I won’t get hurt again. If I keep replaying what happened, maybe I’ll finally make sense of it. If I don’t forgive, I’m not saying what they did was okay.
These aren’t irrational beliefs — they’re actually quite human. The problem is that what starts as protection becomes a prison. We end up carrying weight that isn’t serving us, long after the original threat has passed.
Letting go isn’t about pretending something didn’t happen, excusing someone’s behavior, or forcing yourself to feel fine before you actually do. It’s about making a conscious choice to stop letting the past determine your present.
That distinction matters.
What Letting Go Actually Looks Like
Letting go is rarely a single moment. It’s more like a practice — something you choose again and again, especially on the days it feels hardest.
Here’s what it tends to involve:
Acknowledging what you’re holding. You can’t release something you won’t name. This means getting honest — with yourself, maybe with a therapist or trusted person — about what you’re actually carrying. The hurt, the anger, the disappointment, the grief. All of it.
Feeling it rather than managing it. Most of us have gotten very good at managing difficult emotions — staying busy, intellectualizing, minimizing. But emotions that aren’t felt don’t disappear. They find other ways out. Letting go requires letting yourself actually feel what’s there, which is often the part we’ve been avoiding.
Choosing the story you want to carry forward. Every painful experience contains more than one possible narrative. There’s the story of what was done to you. And there’s also a story about what you learned, how you grew, what you now know about yourself and what you need. Letting go often involves consciously choosing to hold the second story more than the first — not denying the first, but not letting it be the only one.
Practicing release as a daily act. Mindfulness is particularly helpful here. When the thought arises — and it will — you notice it, acknowledge it, and gently redirect. Not suppression. Not rumination. Just noticing, and choosing where to put your attention next.
A Practice Worth Trying
When something is weighing on you, try this:
Find a quiet moment and sit comfortably. Take a few slow breaths. Bring to mind whatever it is you’re trying to let go of — not to stew in it, but to acknowledge it directly.
Say to yourself: This happened. It hurt. I’m allowed to feel that. Then ask: Is carrying this serving me? What would it feel like to set it down, even just for today?
You don’t have to be ready to let go completely. You just have to be willing to loosen your grip a little. That’s enough to start.
When You Need More Than a Practice
Sometimes what we’re holding is too heavy to work through alone. Old trauma, deep grief, patterns that have been with us for decades — these often need more than mindfulness techniques. They need the kind of supported, attuned relationship that therapy provides.
If you’ve been trying to let go of something for a long time and it keeps coming back, that’s not a failure of willpower. It’s information. It’s telling you that whatever you’re carrying needs to be heard and processed more deeply before it can be released.
That’s exactly the kind of work I do with clients — helping you understand not just what you’re holding, but why, and what it would take to finally set it down.
If you’re ready to stop carrying what’s no longer yours to carry, schedule a free consultation to learn more about working together.
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